i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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