Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
