Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
