please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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