I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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