I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
