she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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