My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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