he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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