And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
