I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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