Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
