he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
