just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
