It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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