captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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