Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
