I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
