That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
