you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
