I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
