what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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