so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
