you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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