Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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