Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
