He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
