Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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