yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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