I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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