what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
4 words: hood of his car
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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