oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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