So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
