Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
