Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
