ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
