I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.