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Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Randomize
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