Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
