I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
