He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
