Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
