When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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