dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
