I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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