you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
