i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
