He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
