If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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