i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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