Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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