Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
