I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can I color on your dick again?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
