Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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