so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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