He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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