batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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