My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think my fart just growled at me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
