You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
