Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
