Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
