have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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