I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
