Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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