There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
