If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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