So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
