My sheets look like a crime scene.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
