UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize