whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i think my cat just said my name.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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