its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
