you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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