It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
