singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
