I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Randomize
