mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You need a sexual gate keeper
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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