i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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