k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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