Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
