I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
