I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
