Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
