During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
